Welcome to Prenatal Triage!

While what follows is a light story about a relatively easy visit to prenatal triage, I want to acknowledge the many women I know who have experienced more serious complications and even loss. I’ve been fortunate so far to have conditions that are easy to resolve, and write this as a way to share my mystification at my own body’s inner workings.

Yesterday morning, after Greg talked with his carpool buddy, I made an announcement. “I have to call my doctor, and she may want me to go to the hospital.” Greg didn’t know anything was happening; he’d just returned the night before from a business trip, and I hadn’t wanted to bother him. But after laying awake much of the night with cramping, contractions and pelvic pressure, I knew I had to make sure it wasn’t preterm labor. I’m really excited about this baby, but at 27 weeks, I just don’t want to meet her yet.

I called the OB office and talked to the answering service. The doctor on call contacted me, and said “Since this has been going on for over 12 hours, it’s probably not a bad idea for you to go to the hospital and get checked out.” I called to see if daycare would take Zinnia for the day, and Greg called off his carpool. After getting Zinnia ready and a quick shower for me, we were ready to go.

This is already my second triage visit with this pregnancy, each of which my insurance bills me a $100 copay for. Last time, I had 3 visits in my last couple weeks. Each time I thought I was in labor, and each time I was sent home. At this rate, I’m likely to outpace my pregnancy copay budget. While I’m not super excited about paying for these visits–it’s my baby.

Greg told me funny stories, which amusingly “charted” on my belly monitors. We drank coffee from the waiting room. I got called out for being a little underhydrated (orange urine!), but my contractions haven’t done anything so far–everything’s all closed up and baby’s just fine. Thank goodness! We got to see an ultrasound, and she’s rolled into a birth-like position, which may explain the pressure I’ve been feeling. Fortunately, since I’m not dilating/effacing, I can go about my life as usual–with a little extra rest and, please Sarah, drink more water.

We asked lots of questions about when to worry, call and go to triage. I’m glad Greg was there to hear everything firsthand. I tend to have a high-ish tolerance for pain/discomfort, so I agreed not to leave him in the dark again. After this experience, I would not give any advice except listen to your body and err on the side of caution (call your doctor for advice). I think this clinches the deal for me–I’m going to sign up for a childbirth class.

If you find yourself going to prenatal triage, a few practical suggestions: bring your phone charger, snacks, a drink for your partner, and something light to read; wear shoes and clothes that are easy to get off and on.

PSA: The Baby-Ambivalent Friend

I have this baby-ambivalent friend, let’s call her Tasha. We chat often, and her questions about pregnancy and parenting that are a little different than most. Tasha’s looking for the downside because she’s not sure she wants kids, and her path would be easiest if she decided she doesn’t.

I tend to be very honest about my own experiences, which I like to spin as a positive “writerly” quality (in contrast to something I need to change). My conversations with friends about my pregnancies may include tips for managing pregnancy-induced urinary incontinence and vomiting. Sure I’m a negative Nancy, but I say go forth eyes wide open. You are at CryCryBaby, after all.

Here’s my short list of stuff that suffered with my first baby:

• nightlife (you can ask a relative, hire a sitter, or take turns with your partner–but the effort can take a toll)
• relationship (once parenting reaches discipline, you’re gonna have some disagreements)
• romance (yes, i mean sex. and it only gets worse when your toddler stops napping)
• sleep
• work (let’s be honest–you can’t function without sleep and my experience is there’s nonesuch with a bouncing baby Boyce in the house)
• creativity (it’s hard to run the sewing machine during naptime, get into your studio to jam, or pull out the oil paints and thinner with kids around)
• stress (I’ve become someone who carries disability insurance on a car lien, and keep myself up at night worried about shark attacks–and we live in Michigan)
• social life (when everyone starts multiplying, it’s hard to fit everyone into one house)

Add a comment: As a parent, what do you find yourself telling your baby-ambivalent friends?

Happy Birthday, Bloomer

Tuesday, as I was baking a preschool birthday treats for Zinny (aka Bloomer), I got a call that she had been sent to the office for bad behavior. Full disclosure: I burned the second batch of mini cupcakes.

That’s a lot of trouble for a 40-lb. kid. What gives? The teacher told me that Zinnia said she’s soOoOo excited about her little sister-on-the-way that she just can’t control herself. Greg and I wondered if maybe the witness had been led a bit. In any case, the teacher suggested we not punish again at home, but talk with her about it.

When Greg got home, we took turns stirring the mushroom risotto to talk about what the teacher expects at school. We asked her what she could do differently. Then we watched her melt down sloooowly for about 30 minutes because she couldn’t have one of the Valentine’s treats she brought home. I just threw out Easter candy, and we still have Halloween and Christmas candy, and now Valentine’s Day is all candy. When I was a kid, it was just cards. Thanks a lot, candy industrial complex!

Yesterday I took store-bought cupcakes (After I bought–and burned–two mixes, Meijer really came through!) and stuck around to celebrate with the kids. The 3 and 4 year-old kids were delighted to have a fresh grown-up to chat with. We covered off important topics, such as Who’s 3? Who’s 4? When’s your birthday? What do you like to do on your birthday? Chocolate or white cake? What’s better, cake or frosting? (My observation: boys like cake, girls like frosting.) It was most fun I had all day.

Zinny was on good behavior. When I look at it from her perspective, it must be hard with a pregnant and  unemployed mom. Our routine is completely destroyed at this point, so I need to do a better job of getting her ready for school. I’m formulating a plan–in the meantime, give me some suggestions.

Add a comment: For you stay-at-homers, what’s your toddler routine?

Meet My Spirited Child

Meet my daughter, Zinnia. She’s what some people would call a spirited child.

Here’s how Zinny rolls: She pitches alternate suggestions when rules are announced. She asks the cashier for a treat every time, and manhandles strangers’ babies. At a recent gymnastics playgroup meeting, she ran the obstacle course while other kids sat dutifully on carpet squares in  a circle, simulating driving to warm up their core muscles. Then she volunteered to lead every time the instructor took them to the drinking  fountain, and scrappily asked to walk the high beam after every other kid’s turn.

Some people might say she’s defiant or difficult. I would describe her as smart, energetic and game (as in up for anything). It’s too soon to tell what she’s made of: I hope she’s a combination of my ambition and Greg’s natural talent. In any case, she’s already more outgoing than either of us.

It’s hard to walk the tightrope of interacting with other people’s kids, and I feel empathy when I watch people encounter Zinnia for the first time. Those who have experienced a variety of childhood personalities fare better; those who expect little girls to whisper and hide behind their momma tend to cringe. Ever the protective mommy, I feel a need to serve as insulation between Zinnia and adults–to reduce adults’ “overwhelmed” experience, and protect Zinny from being terminally discouraged.

Here’s my wish list for this kid and every other that follows: I want my kid to try stuff she’s not good at and enjoy it anyway. I want her to expect people to treat her well, and ask questions when they don’t. Oh, and really want her to know she has choices and learn to take responsibility for her actions.

Add a comment: How do you respond to OPK (other peoples’ kids)? How do you mediate your kids’ interactions with adults?

The Booster Seat Blues

Last week Greg and I bought a used car, so I took the opportunity to position Zinny’s seat in the center and replace her infant seat with a booster. It seemed prudent and timely on the cusp of her fourth birthday. Sadly, though, Zinnia is still prone to falling asleep in the car, and the bargain booster I bought is no-frills and backless.

Cruel, cruel wingback-ed booster seat, why did I denounce you so loudly? $15 has brought me pain at the sight of my sleeping child, lolled sideways at the waist, her face turned toward the seat though dangling a foot above it. The first time, I pulled her up when I stopped at lights. The next time I thought she was pretending–I didn’t realize the gymnastics and Fruity Pebbles treats had done her in.

One of the bummers about parenting is that you just don’t know which gear features really truly matter, or you don’t think about the intricacies of using stuff. You have to get *something* because you’re filling up a registry in anticipation of showers, or you’re in nesting mode, or you have a problem to solve quickly. So you obtain your gear, and your husband ends up hunched over like Quasimodo to push a cheapy umbrella stroller, or your child looks eerily like Raggedy Ann on your way home from Didi’s birthday dinner.

My ragdoll solution? I bought a second booster, this one with a back (as my mother- and sister-in-law previously suggested). I’ve re-bought a lot of stuff, and bought stuff I didn’t really need along the way, too. I’ve been wondering if there’s any way around this.

Add a comment: What hard-won gear advice do you have for first-time parents?

Childbirth Class Poll

Pre-Pitch Caffeine Infusion

That morning I was just a pregnant lady at Starbucks drinking a venti. And I was marginally in their way.

The first invader was a 40-something guy in striped suit pants. By the way, guys, why do you wear stuff like this? It’s seriously not cool and especially revolting without the jacket, when you look like you might strap on stilts later for a parade. He was a flurry of activity, making calls and giving directions, waving in one carload of colleagues after another.  They were apparently pre-meeting to caravan to some big pitch nearby. I was fascinated and amused by the salesguy predatory pump-up. At one point Mr. Stripes said with the gravity of 10 Earths “Guys, we’ve got a really big opportunity in front of us, here.” His cohort shared the Kids in the Hall business-guy quality.

After I gave up my two-top to sit across the room and size up the looming group, I had to resist the urge to crush their heads. I’m not even very far from the corporate business milieu, having provided consulting services as recently as December. In fact, the last client I met in person had a black eye from a bar fight, which basically shattered my preconceptions about [you'd-never-guess-what-industry] executives.

It’s strange to sit in a conference room and receive the team-pitch, which I’ve experienced a hundred times, and it’s strange to watch a leader practically inject caffeine into his staff before a  pitch down some marble hallway.

I wonder if they got it?

PSA: Top 5 Suggestions for Friends of First-Time Moms

While your favorite mom-to-be loves and cherishes you, she needs you to know something. She happens to be the first person having a baby. Ever. If you’ve lapped her in the baby-making race, here are some suggestions for maintaining your place as fairy godmother-to-be.

1. Withhold advice unless it’s requested. Even then, your pregnant friend will probably look up your suggestions afterward. Be especially cautious vis-a-vis your nursery cred when you pass on untested info–myths you repeat will be debunked soon enough by her next babycenter.com weekly email.
2. Don’t share tragic pregnancy and childbirth stories that happened to someone else in the past unless they’re really relevant.  As you might remember, pregnant ladies spend many night time hours awake, and sad or scary stories are fodder for nocturnal worries.
3. Get your pregnant lady’s clear buy-in before watching a sci-fi or horror movie that depicts pregnant characters. This list includes: Rosemary’s Baby, Inside, It’s Alive, Dead Alive, Alien Resurrection, Children of Men. I think this one’s pretty self-explanatory.
4. Don’t feel bad if you offer your friend something and she doesn’t take it. While your stuff is perfectly good, she may be in it for the longhaul of 2 or more kids, and have a Grand Plan. By the way, this applies to: used maternity and baby clothes, furniture and toys, and especially your breast pump.
5. For her partner: Don’t question your lady’s nesting activities. If we were cavepeople, I’m convinced the male would say things like “How many leaves does one baby need?” Prepare to paint, move stuff, and pick out decor and do it all on your lady’s timetable (it’s not worth the price to “win” any disagreement on this one).

That’s my big 5, although I’m sure there are more. I’d love to collect your suggestions in the comments, so give us your advice!

Midwinter Second-Breakfast Salad

Yesterday I was chopping fennel for minestrone soup, and the scent brought back memories of this “breakfast salad” I hadn’t made in ages.

I bought “The Best American Recipes 2004-2005″ one Christmas past for my Mom, and she lent it to me while I was on maternity leave in 2008. It was then I discovered “killer granola” (originally published in “The Cheese Board: Collective Works”). I made granola and my fruit salad recipe a couple times a week and ate them together for breakfasts 1 and 2 daily.

killer granola

Makes 3 cups of granola

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

pinch salt

1 cup chopped nuts

2 teaspoons honey (I tried to sub rice syrup, but it didn’t work)

1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

1/8 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1-1/4 cups old fashioned rolled oats

1/2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes (i declare this optional)

1/2 cup sunflower seeds

1/4 cup sesame seeds (i declare this optional)

Preheat oven to 325 with rack in center. Prep a baking sheet with parchment liner or baking mat.

In a large bowl, combine the oats, coconut, sunflower seeds and sesame seeds. Set aside.

In a small saucepan, melt the butter and salt over low eat. Add the nuts, increase the heat to medium and cook while stirring for 5 minutes. Nuts will be lightly toasted. Add the honey and brown sugar, reduce heat to low, and stir until melted and combined. Remove from the heat and stir in vanilla. Add the sugar mixture to the bowl of dry ingredients and toss until the oats are evenly coated.

Spread the granola evenly on the prepared sheet (I flatten it into a large rectangle so the edges don’t over-carmelize). Bake for approximately 15 minutes (checking occasionally to make sure granola on the edges doesn’t burn). Remove from the oven and stir up granola (move outer edge granola to the middle). Bake for another 10 minutes or until golden brown.

Let cool completely on the baking sheet before serving. If you can keep your hands off it, it will keep in an airtight container up to one week.

My note: I use a heat-resistant handled scraper/spatula from start to finish, it makes scraping gooey stuff easier, and the mixture won’t stick to it. Also, the sugar mixture is insanely hot and sticky, so don’t touch it. Naturally, I don’t recommend the sugar mixture steps for kids.

Midwinter Fruit Salad

This is my own recipe. Makes 4 generous servings.

1 large crisp apple, large dice (Pinata, braeburn, gala)

1/2 cup diced crispy veg (celery or fennel)

2 peeled and chopped seedless navel oranges (see method here)

dressing:

1 cup lowfat plain (pour off excess liquid if any)

sweeten with a splash of orange juice to taste (if you don’t have this, you can sweeten to taste with maple syrup, starting with 1 Tbsp and adding gradually)

1-2 dashes cinnamon (optional)

mix ins:

top each bowl with a sprinkle of chewy dried fruit (raisins, cranberries)

Notes: Make the dressing then mix the chopped items. Combine and that’s pretty much it. You could use vanilla or “banilla” yogurt in place of the plain–just leave out the sweetener. I don’t recommend mixing in dried fruit with the salad–they’ll soak up liquid if you have any leftovers.

Safewords, Your Toddler and You: Part 2

A friend with a toddler and a newborn asked me about how I introduced the concept of a safeword (our word is “rutabaga” and it means stop, look and listen) to my daughter, Zinnia. I figured I’d make my reply a follow-up post. So here’s the goods:

The way things often used to go:

Zinnia would misbehave, I would try to correct her in the moment, and she would resist. Although we also have a timeout practice, I would often end up yelling at her. I would immediately apologize for losing my cool, and we’d talk about what she thinks she did wrong and we could do differently next time.

Using the safeword is my attempt to replace the yelling part, so I introduced the safeword (I think we call it a magic word) concept after a cycle like the one described above. While talking about what we could do differently next time, I shared the following information and asked if she thought it was a good idea:

• When I’m not listening to her and she needs me or when she’s being naughty and not listening, either one of us can say the ‘magic word’.
• The word means face one another, hold hands (usually I kneel and she sits on my knee) and listen.
• We talk about what we need, and we both listen and try to do more to cooperate.

Zinnia thought this was a great idea and that rutabaga was a good word. Unless she’s overtired/overstimulated, it usually works. One interesting thing is that she never says “rutabaga,” even though she could if I’m not listening, etc. Instead, she usually still resorts to whining, which is something we could work on.